Car♥usel, the merry-go-round

can't believe i actually flew to australia, suddenly woke up from all that i've been through. time flies so fast, and i actually left sg to come here. is my decision correct from the start? yes im enjoying some of it here, but i've lost more. i've lost everything i used to have in sg. i feel so lost, so useless. and i realised, when i ask myself, what exactly do you want. i cannot answer the qn.
i feel that, i dont know the word fun anymore.
i feel so dark here, that theres no sun, no light. i wanna bring out LIFE in my life. but there isn't. after school, its just rundle mall. and only rundle mall. its so different, who goes to orchard road after sch everyday? and rundle mall, which is just a small street, is so freaking boring. i went to a bead shop to make beads these days, and i realised its my only fun i can turn to. i feel that my interests are dying. but think of the bright side, if i stayed in sg, there would be more i couldnt cope with. it isn't the right path for me. my decision of coming here to study is right. but..
i wanna swim, i wanna play volleyball,
i want to hear the sea.
i have nothing here.
i have heaps of hw to do.
but i feel that even if i finish my hw, i still never study hard enough. never sit down and study study study. cus my classes only tues-fri, so i feel that, after fri sat sun mon, i forgot what i study last week le. ):
i feel that life has no purpose.
i wanna go to the beach
and i hate this stupid winter weather
i want sun.
i wanna STAY at the beach
i wanna work at smileclinique. i want lots of money. i wanna repeat what happened last time
i wanna go swimming every sun, i wanna work at sentosa and have volleyball training at MI
i wanna call friends everyday and talk very long on the phone, and the worst is, i feel very useless here. i dont have anything, i feel very lazy. feel that there isnt any close friends i can turn to. theres none of these anymore. no one to call out, to go to starbucks (starbucks recently closed down in aus), and no one to walk the WHOLE orchard road with me. because there isn't long roads to walk here. after sch, its just with the not so close friends, yes they're good, but its not the same as pat, as elaine, as joanne, as joey etc. yes i still chill at coffeehouses, but is there ppl i know who works in starbucks, who makes coffee for me? no more.
its winter, even if theres glenelg, there isn't anyone there. i walked down the jetty that day, couldnt even complete walking the entire jetty, it was freezing and windy. my ponytail was also dropping off. can u imagine how strong? haha so what if there is citybeach? there isnt anyone playing until spring. haha, i really wanna be at the beach. i really wanna go swimming. let me know you again, fun.
don't run away from me.
i wanna go home, and sleep on my big bed. i wanna get my violin, and play it loud and proud, even if it annoys the entire neighbourhood. i want my strings, i want to play my guzheng, i wanna bang my piano. i wanna run up and down three stories, i wanna walk in walk out the kitchen when mummy mops the floor to annoy her. i wanna tell mummy, hey floor wet i cannot walk, help me put my cup in the sink if not i dirty your floor. i wanna scream at my younger bro ask him to stop watching stupid wrestling and pass me the tv remote control. i want to go home.
walking aimlessly after school, all alone.
staring at star-filled sky, but im lost, i don't know which star is me alrdy, (i used to only see one star in sg, the brightest, is the xinyu star, but now..) i'm all lost, and nth matters anymore.
i have to be strong, i'm trying, trying..
heard that sg is raining heavily.. loves, please take care, and don't get drenched, rmb to carry your umbrellas. i'll be strong, i'll see you all soon.
chereascia wishes hard for october 4th. i miss you, really.
i can do it.